Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
