yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
