I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
