If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
