$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
