You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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