Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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