in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
