she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
