tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
