so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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