His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
