last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
