dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
