come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
