Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
