Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
