i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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