just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
