you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You can't just leave with hair like that
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
