there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize