you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
