There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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