Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
