Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
