dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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