considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize