Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
