Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
