why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
