Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
