Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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