She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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