Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
