So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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