i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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