You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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