just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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