Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
