I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
