I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize