I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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