when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
