So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
