i already hear my dad disowning me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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