my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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