The best revenge is premature balding
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
