you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
