Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
