Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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