I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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