1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
