Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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