I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize