New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize