Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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