I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
