Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
