FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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