We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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