Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
