We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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