Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
