whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
