It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
