it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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