This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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