I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize