Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
