Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We left an ass print on the piano.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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