Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We got so high we made milksteak
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
