I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
