They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
