Who did Billy Mays play for?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
