i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
