i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
