Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ttyl tear gas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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