Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
