So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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