I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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