It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
