She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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