After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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