he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
