That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
