Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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