Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize